< topography - Boerum Hill

  

BOAT
Smith
Boerum Hill
Brooklyn
{ mongoose 9/5/00: An appallingly colored door caught our collective eye—my girlfriend said "blood-red", I countered with "scarlet-hemorrhoid." A lateral three diamond window setting, the kind that are mandatory adornment for all VFW (Veterans of Foreign Wars) halls, is its defining external feature. Why a BOAT? Was I missing some subtle metaphor? Perhaps the owner was a former sailor, now a permanent and involuntary "land-lubber" due to the crippling effects of syphilis. Perhaps this building used to sell pool supplies or diving equipment in a previous incarnation. Who knows or cares. My friend, Rooster, had been to BOAT the previous week with another acquaintance of mine, whom I refer to as "The Nose" (not because he has mafia connections, but rather because it comprises 15% of his body weight). Nursing their glasses, they witness the bar tender refuse service to an extremely inebriated patron, who in turn exits—but not before promising to return with a gun. I discreetly fail to mention this story to my girlfriend as she has previously summed up her opinion of BOAT as "that skanky dump".This was my referral.
I finally persuaded my girlfriend to accompany me to BOAT after finding every other bar on the street was at maximum occupancy. Besides, I wanted to see for myself. Upon ordering two pints, we retreat to the lounge area in the rear after noticing that each sticky-small table surrounding the bar was already occupied by filthy glasses and assorted debris. Finally, secured in the corner on a fetid lime-green couch, we are able to survey the decor. The owner(s) were going for a 70's retro look—kidney shaped coffee tables, mirrored end tables accented by garish furnishings are strewn about. Chairs face each other in tight rows and create the kind of uncomfortable energy that you experienced when you were in grade school. The walls are exposed brick, illuminated by miniscule gel covered spot lights. These gels are comprised of colors like orange, red and blue—that when combined on the exposed brick, cast a sickly shade of reddish brown that compliments the general sense of malaise. All things considered, the dimly illuminated interior of BOAT is the one gracious act provided by the management.
I like to do a free word association when reviewing a bar to add an element of poetry to my musings, but at BOAT words like "dangerous"..."syringe"..."out-patient"... floated to the surface, so I decided to cut the exercise short. In closing, I do recommend BOAT to those who want an inexpensive pint ($1.00 cheaper than QUENCH or UNCLE PHO's down the street). I was also given a free drink AFTER last call by the bartender...and it was only my second round. The bartender was attentive and enthusiastic toward me, which is always an incentive. So, if you don't mind a skanky dump with an attentive staff and inexpensive beer, BOAT is for you!}

... Somewhere On Atlantic

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Brooklyn/Boerum Hill